Your lighthouse

Vivid shades of lilac and coral surround the warm globe, forming a cold blanket of sunset, protecting it from the dark tones of blue that are arising from the corners of the horizon. Shy sparkles of light take a peek towards the sea, trying to see the diluted version of the palette of colours that they would not be able to experience from where they are.

With my hands hidden inside the specks of sand, gripping onto crumbling ground, sinking my feet afraid that the breeze will take me away in its salty embrace, I dream. I dream of family, warmth and noisy gatherings, where the noise, surprisingly, turns into music in my mind, into chords of synchronised joy and melancholy. Spirals of missing contentment turn into dreams of solitude.

I dream of solitude; a ship sailing aimlessly towards a destination that is thought to be known, on a make-believe map projected by the child that rules our courage and imagination. Dark waves and foggy clouds, misty horizons – all hiding your journey towards your lighthouse.

And who is your lighthouse, you lost sailor? The dim light of memories is hidden between the clouds, I cannot see it. The bundle of happiness, the centre of safety, where there is no danger, no bad dreams, only protection and hope – the strong magnet that was helping you cheat in this board game of life. It was so dim a second ago, you thought the clouds would clear up and help you see it again. Without it where would you go, where is your direction, you weren’t made to be a mermaid, so there is no magic to help you.

As your knees hit the deck, your heavy eyes are looking for a safe place for your tears, your head leans on your hands. As you open your eyes again – they get blinded by a strong light. Thinking that it is your lighthouse, you get up on your feet quickly and search for it around, shouting its name: I am coming home! I am coming home!

But there is no light around you. Then… where was it all coming from?

Trying to embrace yourself in fear, you feel the warmth of your chest. Yes! The light was coming from you! Solitude, fierceness, madness and hope, there is no one out there to follow, no one apart from you. You are your own lighthouse, your own compass, the engine of your ship, fighting against the wind and the power of the waves. If you were to wreck, the light will still shine, you will still be a lighthouse, even if you will or will never reach the shore.


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